It's more than a matter of trust

** The next exercise at the writing workshop asked us to describe something we've done, either real or made up, that is unforgivable. This is what I dreamt up...

I cheated.

I was always so scared I would hurt him. I'm selfish. A coward.

I thought I could overcome it. I begged him to marry me, to commit his life to me, his soul. To trust me.

I don't know why I did it. I was never lonely, or deprived of love or intimacy. It was something I did to sabotage myself.

I knew I couldn't do it. Be faithful. And I proved myself right.

Do I confess?

No, I can't tell him.

He would hate me. Divorce me. And never want anything to do with me.

I betrayed him. His trust.

Tears begin welling up in the corners of my eyes. But I'm not sad. I don't feel sorry for what I have done.

They are tears of self pity.