The glitz, glam and shame of small-town journalism

It's questionable how one should act when something as big and important as world women's curling strolls into your little Saskatchewan town.

From TSN cameras and a packed Credit Union i-plex to fluorescent polka-dotted pants and rubber things called sliders, this past week has been nothing short of a three-ring circus.

As a reporter I've been granted what some may refer to as 'special privileges,' including clearance to go out onto the ice as well as into the backstage area where all the action happens behind the scenes.

From day one as the prestigious letters Z, I, B and M were inked on my accreditation pass — which, by the way, I still have no idea what they mean but, heck, I guess it's got to be good — I knew this nine-day curling extravaganza was going to be something this nobody journalist has always hoped to experience.

Okay, so I’ll admit sitting at the feet of the curlers as they compete and schmoozing with the CTV, Canadian Press and, of course, TSN hot shots in the media room has been rather exciting.

Other aspects, however, have been much less glamourous, I assure you. Even the coveted media room located in the dungeon-like bleak basement of the i-plex is unfriendly at the best of times.

And as I sit at ice level taking pictures, I pause and take a moment to survey my more distinguished media counterparts. I look at their pontoon-sized camera lenses before returning my gaze back down at my much smaller, much less cool Nikon D-90 and 300 millimetre lens. Pathetic in comparison.

A pang of lens envy and even a little bit of embarrassment rushes over me. However, after the draw is finished and the overzealous cameras are put away, we meet in a scrum and are all equals once again.

All business aside, there’s no denying that little Swift Current can throw one heck of a party. Jeff Chambers’ Keith’s Patch has been the place to be since opening night last Saturday.

Although the bands have been entertaining to say the least — and I'm especially referring to my personal favourites, the platform-wearing, boa-sporting Men Without Shame — the hands down best part about the Patch has been the coming together of curling fans of all ages.

As I cruised the crowded, sweat-filled former curling rink — now the Patch — on opening weekend, I noticed people well into their 70s cheerfully carousing with others young enough to be their grandchildren.

Who knew a sport and a couple of five dollar beverages could bring generations of strangers together here in Swift Current.

So after all is said and done, the flags are ripped down and given back, and the i-plex is once again converted back into a hockey arena, I’ll be sad to see the world leave and this experience become a distant memory.

Could Canada be next?

As Canadians, we all likely find it difficult to imagine what it feels like to be taken under the harsh, relentless wrath of a natural disaster. Mercilessly torn away from our homes and onto streets now flooded with broken vehicles, orphaned pets and blood-stained asphalt.

It is difficult to imagine what it would have been like to be in Port-au-Prince, Haiti Jan. 12 or Feb. 27 in the Maule Region of Chile.

The devastating 8.8-magnitude earthquake, tsunami and 50 aftershocks which shook and shattered cities along the Chilean shoreline killed nearly 800 people.

The powerful earthquake was 500 times more severe than the 7.0 which struck Haiti a month earlier, but killed 0.3 per cent of the estimated 250,000 declared dead after Haiti's quake.

A likely difference in the two death tolls was preparedness.

Chile is accustomed to earthquakes, receiving a magnitude 7.0 or higher at least once every five years. Haiti, on the other hand, is more prone to hurricanes.

After a massive 9.5 earthquake hit Chile in 1960 - the strongest ever recorded - a new building code was drafted by the Chilean government requiring all new developments be built following strict earthquake-resistant guidelines.

Most, if not all, Haitian buildings were not built to withstand earthquakes, which likely had a lot to do with the extreme variant in the two death tolls.

Now imagine the same occurring right here in Canada. It makes me wonder how well our buildings would hold up against even the slightest movement or shift under our own feet. How many of our lives would be taken by a similar freak act of nature?

Afterall, the only earthquake-related deaths in Canada ever recorded was back in 1929, when a 7.2 on the Richter scale rumbled beneath the Atlantic Ocean sending tsunami waves crashing over Newfoundland. An estimated 30 people were killed.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in our safe northern bubble, blissfully immune to the peril of frequent earthquakes, tornadoes, avalanches and tsunamis.

Natural disasters never truly hit home unless friends, loved ones or even acquaintances get caught in the action elsewhere in the world.

Thanks to two vague updates on a former classmate's Facebook page, I learned he and a couple of friends were smack dab in the middle of it all when the quake hit Chile.

"We are okay here, but it was pretty scary. Not sure when we can get out since the airport is closed," one message read.

I have tried to contact him since then via Facebook messages, but have received no reply. All I can assume is they are still trying to get a flight back home to Calgary.

According to an Associated Press news report, the airport in Santiago - Chile's capital city located 321 km from the epicentre of the quake, and where they'd likely fly out of - reopened its runways on Mar. 1 for a limited number of flights.

Until then, I suppose it's fingers-crossed for their safe return to Canada.

Listen to the Spleen

What's the best way to predict the weather, you ask? Well, with a pig's spleen, of course.

At least, that's the theory of Jeff Woodward, pig spleen weather forecaster extraordinaire.

Hailing from Regina, Woodward picked up the old time tradition of spleen reading from his Uncle Gus Wickstrom, who became famous for his knack for spleens nearly 10 years ago.

However, with Uncle Gus' death in 2007, the torch was passed to Woodward who has since embraced his uncle's passion.

"It was sort of by default," he admitted, explaining how Uncle Gus just sort of picked him to be the one to do it. Woodward had spent a lot of time with his uncle as a kid, so it didn't take long before he really grabbed hold of the reigns.

This is Woodward's third year forecasting the weather, and so far, it's turned out fairly accurate.

"(My uncle) wasn't very secretive with the way that he did it. There were some real specific rules that he followed plus a little bit of embellishment, and it wasn't really that hard to pick up on. I don't think I'm as good as him yet but perhaps some day I will be," he said.

So, how does it work? Well, animals' instincts tell them how to best prepare for upcoming weather, and it's believed that spleens give the best indication of what we can expect.

"If you look at the spleen, it's going to tell you what the following months have in store," Woodward said.

For instance, the shape of the spleen, any little anomalies on them, the thickness of the spleen and fatty deposits all have various meanings.

"The thickness and the bumps in it tell you what the weather is going to be like, and the fat deposits tell you about the precipitation. The idea is that you divide the spleen into six different pieces — each representing the six months from January to June — and you sort of interpret where the different characteristics of the spleen are and where they occur with respect to the periods in the month," he explained.

You can look at as many spleens as you want to make an accurate forecast. Woodward used four spleens donated to him from the Earview Hutterite Colony to make this year's forecast. Generally, wherever the spleens are from is the area depicted in the prediction.

This year, Woodward's spleens predicted a relatively warm, dry winter with a cooler, wet spring in store for Tompkins and area.

"The ones that I got were really consistent and had the same sort of characteristics from one to the other. They were difficult to read and I couldn't tell very much from them, and that I interpret more towards what you'd consider a normal winter, because there was nothing really distinctive about them," Woodward said.

The spleens are usually chosen at random, however older pigs provide the more accurate, readable organs. However, Woodward couldn't convincingly explain why pigs are the spleen of choice.

"My uncle had actually branched out and he was doing moose and whatever kind of spleens he could get his hands on," he said.

Uncle Gus had surprised a lot of people with his freakishly accurate forecasts over the years, making many believers out of skeptics. Even Woodward, an engineer by training, thought it was ridiculous at first. Now, however, "I can't dismiss it by any means," Woodward said.

"I think my uncle was very good at it. He had the knack to really get a decent prediction from it. He was doing things like predicting specific days and specific events — snowfall events, rainfall events — that were significant and out of the ordinary," he continued.

Woodward is not alone. At least two people in the United States and one other person in Saskatchewan read spleens as well.

"There's a little bit of merit to it. It shouldn't be dismissed wholeheartedly, but I can understand the people that are skeptical," he admitted.

Woodward's six-year-old son has already expressed a keen interest in the art of spleen reading and will likely take over once Dad is ready to retire, and carry on the tradition once again.

By Allison Werbowetsky
Maple Creek News-Times Jan. 14, 2010

Pig Spleen Weather Forecast for January to June 2010

General Forecast
The forecast for Tompkins Sk. a 300 km radius is for the first six months of 2010 tending towards average however the winter period will be relatively warm with below normal precipitation where the spring will be cooler with above average precipitation later in June. The winter will have less than normal snowfall with a few general events at the end of January to early February, and at the beginning of March. The spring seeding season will start out dry until the end of May and the beginning of June when there will be above average precipitation throughout the entire month. Spring temperatures will tend towards below normal overall. Farmers will be able to get into the field fairly early however there will be slower germination due to lower soil temperatures and reduced moisture. This later germination will be compensated for with the rains in June.

January
Temperatures tending toward below normal particularly at the start of the month.. There will be a warming trend mid month followed be a general snow on or about January 15. (around -5C to zero daytime temps). This snow will mark a return to more average temperatures in the -10C range. January 25 will mark 2 days of heavy snow and temperatures will remain below average.

February
Tending towards normal to warm temperatures for the area for the month. February 3 will see light snow – not severe which is the only precip for the month. Valentines day and Family day will be pleasant but returning to colder weather for 5 or 6 days. While the temperatures will be cold, there will be no wind chill and mild temperatures will return until the end of the month.

March
Mild from March 1 to March 15 with plus temperatures. Colder temperatures in the last half of the month starting on St. Patricks’ day around 0 to -5C. Look for a blizzard between March 2 and March 10. Mid March marks the beginning of a gradual trend towards clouds, cooler or lower than normal temperatures and eventually more precipitation.

April
Staying cooler than normal for the month with a few good warming days but generally cool. Look for a light but cold rain or snow on April 7. Easter will be warm, dry and windy. Average temperatures in the 0 degree range. There should be lots of cloud cover but little rain at the end of the month.

May
Dry and cool.. There will be one week of average to above average temperatures at the start of the month with no significant rainfall. Again the end of May will be cloudy but significant rains will not occur until month end. End of the month rains will be cold and may produce some snow in the Cypress Hills area. The end of May will be cool with temperatures of +5C and wet.

June
Remaining cool to the end of the month with average temperatures in the 10C range. June 15 will see a significant rainstorm that again may produce some snow in the Cypress Hills. The rest of the month will see cloud and general showers to the end of the month.

Spleen forecast written by Jeff Woodward, Regina
Published in the Maple Creek News-Times Jan. 14, 2010

And the list continues...

Turn off from mankind #276:
As I'm walking down the street, a truck passes by with an adorable puppy sticking his head out the window, his floppy ears and tongue flapping in the wind. I smile. The repulsive one-toothed, overly large driver, however, thinks it's directed toward him. He pulls over to the sidewalk in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, and rests his hairy, grease-stained arm on the door. "Hey there," he says, winking his one-toothed grin toward me, "wanna go for a ride?"

Diet Pepsi

Smoking is deemed no longer socially acceptable, I quit; the media tells me to reduce my carbon footprint, I ride my bike to work; gyms become the social capital of the city, I join the biggest and most expensive one.

Health has become a monopoly.

Ever since Billy Blanks and his Tae Bo videos took over the sports & fitness shelves at Blockbuster and Chuck Norris began endorsing the Total Gym on late-night television, we've become hooked on working out and being “healthy” — whatever that may mean exactly.

Does it refer to the annoying pang of guilt we all feel when we choose regular Pepsi instead of diet, or white bread instead of multigrain? Or is being healthy as simple as depriving ourselves of ice cream?

Low fat, non-fat, diet, sugar-free, 50 percent less salt, low-cal, organic — we’ve seen them all before. They are the pesky health food labels that consistently taunt us as we cruise down the aisles at the grocery store. Everything we eat has been made into these for-your-benefit weight-friendly products — even potato chips are low in fat.

Ever since we were old enough to sit-up at the dinner table, we’ve been told to eat our vegetables, and we all remember getting a stern slap on the wrist as we reached for the cookie jar. And the Body Break team, Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod, have been telling us this for years, why now have we only just started to listen?

It's not the celebrities that we're mimicking (they're too busy getting drunk and crashing into things) and I don't think there have been any amazing medical discoveries that have recently convinced us to wise up.

Perhaps we should all thank Lululemon for making workout gear part of our everyday attire or ER, Grey's Anatomy and House for making the ugly consequences of ignoring your health so in-your-face.

Exercise and healthy eating are mainstream now, and almost too easy and too fun to be "good" for us. I compare working out to broccoli and the fancy gyms and workout gear to the yummy Cheez Whiz that makes it all edible — or in this case, enjoyable. Lifting weights in a three-storey fortress in figure-hugging yoga pants and munching on a cookie dough-flavoured protein bar sounds like a pretty good Saturday afternoon to me.

Why wouldn't you want to join the healthy people?

So I pick up the diet Pepsi because I feel like it's the right thing to do and hold it in my hand like a trophy. I gaze proudly at the tiny black writing under the "Nutritional Facts" on the side of the can: "Calories 0%," "Fat 0%." "I am healthy," I say to myself, satisfied, yet totally oblivious to the 124 mg of harmful aspartame stewing inside it.

Crisis, really?

I'm a student. When it comes to finances, I'm worth nothing more than the measly $7,000 I have idling in my bank account and the $2.50 subway fair I have tucked in my pocket. My family doesn't rely on my $650 bi-weekly paycheck to survive, I don't own a struggling independent business and my investments are limited at best. If it weren't for the daily media reminders plastered across newspapers and CNN broadcasts, I wouldn't have a clue that something bad was sweeping over our country's economy.

Over the last few months families and individuals alike have felt the repercussions of a suffering Canadian economy. Men and women have lost dream jobs they've held onto for years, lost thousands of dollars invested in crashing stock markets and even declared bankruptcy. Yet somehow Canadians maintain a steady desire to vacation.

My parents recently traveled to Mexico, my boss just left for the Dominican Republic on a "business trip" and my roommate leaves tomorrow for two weeks in Cuba. I have to wonder, is this really what a financial crisis looks like?

Economists have questioned whether or not our generation would ever witness a recession; some have said that it was inevitable. We are a generation of spenders. Period.

It has been estimated that when our grandparents were in their twenties and thirties they saved 20 percent of their paychecks, putting money away monthly for retirement and their kids' college funds; our parents (the baby boomers) put away 10 percent; we, on the other hand, save negative one percent. In other words, most of us spend money we don't even have. And any money we do have kicking around on our Visas or in our savings accounts we blow on week-long benders in tropical paradises or on shiny new Mazda 6s — or whatever your toy of choice may be.

Is it our greed that keeps us wanting more? What is it about laying on a beach in the middle of February that makes it worth maxing out all five of our high-limit credit cards to get it?

Wanting warmth is no excuse to splurge on a trip we can’t afford. Welcome to Canada! We get snow in winter and yes, it does drop below minus 30 sometimes. We should be used to it by now, right?

However, if going on vacation means being completely relaxed and stress-free for a few days, I suppose I can understand the allure. I just can't help but wonder if our minds wouldn’t be continuously burdened by the overdue notices stuffed in the back of our nightstand drawers awaiting us when we returned home. Sure ignorance is bliss, but it's also irresponsible.

A television newscast did a special a few weeks ago on ways to financially outlast the downturn. One tip highly advocated on the show was to make your vacations work for you. Taking day trips, as opposed to expensive rendezvous’ down south, can be very productive in troubled times. Spend quality time with your family, rather than waste a week lounging on a pool-side beach chair, and you will be able to rationalize spending money you can’t necessarily afford.

Makes getting more out of your holidays than an itchy sunburn or bad case of malaria almost vital to your financial — and emotional — survival, doesn’t it?

But I digress. I think I’ll just stick my hand in my pocket, fish around for that toonie and two quarters, and continue to trudge blindly through the unfamiliar world of financial stability, happy that I don’t have millions to lose on Wall Street.