Dating Game: The 'Ugly' of Online

“So, Jack Astor’s in 20 minutes,” I type in a hurry before running back to the bathroom to wipe more mascara on the lashes of my already make-up heavy eyes. I run back to my computer just in time to see a new message flashing on the screen.

“Ok,” it reads.

“See you soon,” I write.

I dash back into the bathroom for a final once-over. I look good. I should look good, I’ve been getting ready for an hour now and I’ve made sure that everything is perfect. My hair looks good, my complexion is flawless – thank God – and my butt is dynamite in these jeans.

I get into my car but I don’t start it until I’ve glanced in the rearview mirror. I smear lip gloss on my lips and smile, for practice. I choose a subtle half-grin because it’s not as obvious as a full smile and doesn’t make me seem so anxious.

I race down the highway. I decide that at this speed I should be there in 10 minutes. We’re not meeting at the Jack Astor’s close to my house. This one is a bit out of my way, but because it’s about halfway between us, we thought it would be a good spot to meet.

I’m late. I’m always late by at least five minutes. It’s mostly by accident, but I’ve also come to the conclusion that it’s better to be the one to arrive second. Let him stand there by himself waiting. “Better him than me,” I say to myself.

I pull into the parking lot and look around. He’s not standing there. I grab my cell phone, feeling a tinge of irritation building. “Strike one,” I mumble. I know he hasn’t stood me up – actually I never worry about that – but it’s still bad form for him to be late.

“I’m inside,” chirps the voice on the other end of the phone. “First booth on the right.”

I am not impressed. That is a first date no-no in my books, well, unless we were amidst a torrential blizzard or I was more than a half an hour late. But it wasn’t snowing and I was only eight minutes late. He should have waited outside so we could walk in together. After all, I don’t want everyone to know that this is a first date.

But I walk through the front door, strutting of course, and quickly spot the back of his head. “Oh no!” I yelp, a little louder than I should have. He’s going bald!

I have to admit that the thought of just turning right around and making a run for it did cross my mind. But that is terribly mean and I would never do that. So I take a deep breath and continue on.

“Hi!” he jumps up as I reach the table. If he had a tail, I think to myself, it would definitely be wagging wildly behind him, and his smile is stupidly large.

He’s short, I notice. Now I’m angry. As it turns out, men on the Internet lie.

***

I began online dating about two years ago, soon after my boyfriend at the time and I broke up. My friend had told me about this dating site she was on and suggested that I try it out. It’s free and she seemed to be dating quite a bit so I thought it couldn’t hurt.

Within an hour, I had created a profile, uploaded some fabulous pictures of myself and had already received six messages.

I have been on a lot of dates since then and I’ve definitely learned some valuable lessons. I think the most important thing to keep in mind while you do the meet-and-greet tango online is that just because you’re putting yourself out there, you might not find your perfect match right away. In fact, you most likely won’t. Be picky!

At first, you will receive hundreds of emails and messages. Be selective and don’t respond to them all. You don’t have to.

You really can’t tell very much about a guy from a couple of blurry pictures and a short blurb he wrote about himself, that more often than not just reads: “If you wanna know then ask me.”

The guy that starred in the date tragedy I described above lied in his profile. I even reread it after our date to make sure it wasn’t someone else’s profile I had expected to meet. But it was him all right.

He had written that he was 27-years old, a non-smoker, no kids and six-feet tall with an athletic body type. And his picture showed him posing beside a Hummer.

There was no way he was any taller than 5’7” because I’m 5’9” and I towered over him, and by “athletic” he clearly meant overweight with stubby arms and legs. He even wore tapered black jeans that were faded from over-wear – not for style – and white New Balance running shoes, the kind even my dad refuses to wear. He said on the date that his friend had rented the Hummer for his wedding two years ago.

Needless to say, I deleted and blocked him on the site and haven’t heard from him since.

That’s the great thing about online dating. You only give out the information you want to give out. So there really is no worry about crazy stalkers. But at the same time, they only have to reveal a short amount of themselves to you too. You must still be cautious of who you choose to meet.

And here’s the Catch-22. It is easy to imagine a man of perfection when you first start talking to someone. He looks cute in his pictures – but keep in mind, his worst picture is usually what he really looks like. He can hold up his end of a decent conversation and is generally fun to chat with.

And you’ve waited two weeks to meet him. At this point you should be able to rule out the possibility that he could be an axe murderer or child molester, which is always important, but now you’ve gotten yourself all riled up and excited to meet him. You are inevitably setting yourself up for disappointment.

Nine times out of 10 he won’t be what you imagined him to be, and the date will soon turn into just another ‘waste of time,’ like me and my man, Mr. New Balance.

There is a successful middle-ground span of time between initial verbal interaction and the first time you meet face-to-face. I would say chat with him online for a week, tops.

When I first started out online, I would chit-chat back and forth with a guy for days before I would agree to meet. I was initially very skeptical, but I learned quite quickly that most men can’t hide innate creepiness. It will become obvious if he is there for only one thing.

I am now much more apt to meet someone I only started talking to the day before. First dates are always awkward, but I think to myself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Meet at a coffee shop, have a cup of joe and talk. He will be just as nervous. If the attraction is there, great, if not then that’s great too. At least now we know and we’ve gotten it out of the way.

Don’t give off the wrong impression. If you’re not into him then let him know. He is there to meet someone too and doesn’t want to spend time talking to you if there is no future.

Make sure he knows from the start what your intentions are and make sure he tells you his. Be suspicious. But keep in mind that most guys on these sites are there to meet dateable women. On some sites, such as eHarmony and Lavalife, men have to pay to join. There will be fewer guys to choose from there, but at least you know they’re legit. Match.com, MatchMate and Plentyoffish.com are free for both men and women to join. They are more amateurish and will attract a younger, more promiscuous crowd.

Don’t be scared of online dating. It is becoming increasingly popular and the majority of the people on these sites are normal. Soon it will no longer be an embarrassment to admit you met someone on the Internet.

But still be careful who you choose to talk to and what you reveal about yourself. If you’re comfortable with someone, add him to Facebook if you have it, because most people have an abundance of pictures on there. Pay particular attention to the ones tagged by his friends. Those should give you a pretty good indication of what to expect.

Have fun. The more comfortable and confident your profile is, the more attractive you will come across. And beware of the liars.